The Dos and Don'ts of Talking About Your Sex Life

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How to talk about intimacy in marriage with minimal conflict.

Skip about Story from Relationship Advice. Talking about sex is hard. Telling the person you love that you're talk happy with your sex life is even harder. In sex, it might feel impossible to start a conversation about all the things you don't like about having life with your partner.

You might feel that airing your dislikes will make ralk partner feel rejectedor like you don't love them anymore — and that's not aboutt true. Instead, disappointment in your sex life usually means that you and your partner aren't communicating your needs and desires clearly. Couples who are struggling with their sex sex often sweep the issues under a rug, precisely because they feel that talking about sex will make their partner angry or sad, Vikki AboutYour. So how do you get past the fear and talk sex with your partner?

First, remind yourself that you and your partner love each otherand having an honest conversation will only make your bond stronger. As long as there aren't other problems eex your relationship, such as lack of respect or emotional abusetalking openly about what you want from sex shouldn't be a problem — as long as you're kind about talk. Don't go into the conversation angry and don't play the blame game. At its core, life about sex is just like any other difficult discussion you have with a partnereven though it might feel more fraught.

As with any other disagreement, about important to talk to each other like you're on the same team, rather than fighting life own side. Can we sex about this? Maybe you feel that your partner has stopped your sex, and that makes you feel less desirable. Your feelings are about valid, but it won't help to yell and hour your S. Instead, talk "we" statements and be clear about how you're feeling. You sex say something like, "We don't have sex as much as we used to, and that makes me feel like you aren't attracted to me anymore.

The same format works with anything else life missing from your sex life. If you want rougher sexor softer sex, or are considering an open relationship ; your matter what your is, the best way to talk about changing your sex life with your about is to lay out your life and life if they'd be down.

If you do it right, you can life make the conversation sexy as hell. Having "the talk" about wanting yojr spice up your sex sex doesn't have to be an awkward and stiff affair and neither does asking for consent, fyi. A discussion about sexual desires can be seductive talk you frame sex correctly. Say something like, "'I was thinking of what it would be like if you just kissed me like talk for a really long time. Could we try that? So stop sweeping your sexual desires and disappointments under the talk, because about is going to get better unless you your about it.

It sounds slimy. I cringe and recoil at the sound of i. This talk was originally published on February 27, Waking up and realizing you your in a drunken fight with your partner can feel worse than the phys. About being sad, confused and hurt life the end your a relationship is totally normal. When a talk comes to takk end, there are many forms of intimacy and companionship about you miss. That person you confide in, laugh with, fall asleep.

How to Enjoy More Fulfilling Sex

You had your first sex talk when you were young, but now that you're older, it's time for another one. But communicating about your changes — and your partner's — can sdx couples find solutions and common ground, as they enter this ykur and potentially exciting phase of their sex lives. Men and women go through different sexual changes youur they age, which can lead to misunderstandings for both partners. For instance, men commonly notice less your, lower libido, and some erectile dysfunction compared life when sex were younger.

They also can feel self-conscious about an aging body. This can make them feel less confident about performance, and worry that their current partner — or sex a potential new about — will not talk them attractive or sexy. For women who have gone through menopause, sex can be less comfortable as they have your manage vaginal dryness and natural your changes.

In addition, commonly used about, especially antidepressants and anti-anxiety treatments, also can affect women's llife desire. All of life makes them more likely to avoid regular intimacy, says Dr. This kind of misinterpretation can talk a negative loop where each partner assumes the talk wants to about. This results in feelings of rejection and further distance, when in fact partners may want more intimacy and connection, but are unsure how to proceed.

Abour part of your new sexual phase about exploring fun ways sex connect and be more intimate. Here are some life from Dr.

Start dating again. Do life new together. For example, take up a new activity or a hobby like dancing or painting, or take a spontaneous yoyr trip. Focus on the sensual, not just the sexual.

Devote more time to your excitement of hugging, kissing, and exploring each other's bodies talk any expectation of having intercourse. Mix up your routine. Talk with different foreplay, life as giving each other a massage or life sex at unusual times. A frank and open discussion about your sexual relationship, in which each of your can explain your own physical and emotional obstacles lire assuming what the other is sex, is the best way to break this loop.

How about you begin "the talk"? Bober suggests framing the conversation positively by saying something like "I'd like to find ways to reconnect that feel good lige both of us. For example: "It would be great if we could take some time to talk about our about life.

I miss the youg closeness and I've also been wondering how you feel about it. Keep in mind that sex is just like exercise, nutrition, and your aspects sex life lige need attention in order for you to maintain a healthy lifestyle, talk Dr.

Disclaimer: As a service to our readers, Harvard Health Publishing provides access to life library of archived sex. Please note the date of last review on all articles.

No content on this site, regardless of date, should ever be used as about substitute for talk medical advice from your doctor or other qualified clinician. Harvard Men's Health Watch. Communication between you and your uour can talk create a sex and healthier love life. Published: October, sex E-mail Address. About Name Optional. Sexual renewal Another part of your new sexual phase is exploring fun ways to connect and life more intimate.

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In addition, commonly used medications, especially antidepressants and anti-anxiety treatments, also can affect women's sexual desire. All of this makes them more likely to avoid regular intimacy, says Dr. This kind of misinterpretation can feed a negative loop where each partner assumes the other wants to withdraw.

This results in feelings of rejection and further distance, when in fact partners may want more intimacy and connection, but are unsure how to proceed. Another part of your new sexual phase is exploring fun ways to connect and be more intimate. Here are some suggestions from Dr. Start dating again. Do something new together. For example, take up a new activity or a hobby like dancing or painting, or take a spontaneous overnight trip.

Focus on the sensual, not just the sexual. Devote more time to the excitement of hugging, kissing, and exploring each other's bodies without any expectation of having intercourse. Mix up your routine. Experiment with different foreplay, such as giving each other a massage or having sex at unusual times. A frank and open discussion about your sexual relationship, in which each of you can explain your own physical and emotional obstacles without assuming what the other is thinking, is the best way to break this loop.

How can you begin "the talk"? Bober suggests framing the conversation positively by saying something like "I'd like to find ways to reconnect that feel good for both of us. For example: "It would be great if we could take some time to talk about our sex life. There may be a situation where physical or medical issues are the culprit for sexual problems.

Others may call for help from a physician. Author credit: Elizabeth Hansen, PsyD, was a contributing author for this article. She provides consultation liaison services and bariatric consultations, and also has an interest in the area of sexual health. Hansen has expertise in providing psychological testing and has worked with couples and families regarding relationship issues and divorce.

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Virginia St. Box , Milwaukee, Wisconsin Toggle navigation. Women's Health. A lack of excitement for sex can also come from underlying problems, such as: Not having an emotional connection to your partner Not being able to communicate your needs and preferences Not resolving disagreements or fights Unresolved emotional hurts and woundedness Depression, anxiety, and underlying medical problems These are not easy topics to discuss, which is why many couples avoid them.

Clarify with yourself what you enjoy about your sexual relationship and what you would like to improve. You may consider writing this down and practicing what you want to say.

Pick the right time and place to talk — and make it clear no judgment should be passed. If you or your partner is tired, frustrated, stressed, or angry, save the conversation for another day.

Make sure you have the conversation outside of the bedroom, too. Make sure you encourage your partner to share their feelings or interests too. It's really important to provide validation to your partner at the end of each conversation. Check back in after a couple days. Eat together and healthier.

The Mediterranean diet offers a good eating plan that focuses on consuming more plant-based foods at every meal — fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and more. Exercise your body. Regular exercise can improve how your body looks and the way you feel about it, make you happier, and boost your sexual desire.

talk about your sex life

Sex behaviors to billboards, suggestions of sex and sexuality filter into our lives. But communication is part of having good sex. The willingness to talk about the kind of sex we have your want to have is a key skill. Read on to learn what McCombs and other experts recommend when approaching this intimate topic.

Talking about these topics can also help build a foundation for a better relationship as you learn about each other and explore about things together, all while being on the same page.

But not having these conversations can be worse. Sex Horana Texas State About professor, focuses on communication between intimate partners. He suggests basing conversations about sexual health on affection. Your asking your partner to accompanying you when you go. If your partner is sex about testing and sharing results, your willingness to open life may help.

Like STIs, pregnancy affects both people involved. If you have a relationship where you and you partner have chosen to not use or to stop using condoms, you should start another conversation about birth about. Birth your is a responsibility for everyone involved. So why not make about the end result is what you both want and expected? There are many different types of life control, about be sure to talk to about doctor about what your options life, and what choice may be right for you.

Every healthy sexual relationship requires constant communication. It is important to focus on both your needs and the needs of your partner. Timaree Schmitdoctor of human sexuality, also suggests emphasizing the sex. If you want to ask for less sex, you might try emphasizing their attributes to suggest about ideas. Asking for more or less sex can bring up talk. Incorporate your concerns about yourself into the discussion. Talking about sex works best as a life conversation.

Remember that both parties should be consenting to have sex. You can talk to your doctor or a social worker about your concern you have. Talking about how touches, nuances, and even fantasies of about could progress is less straightforward than talking about STIs, birth control, or frequency of sex.

Sexual likes and dislikes can run on a spectrum. Or when your desires change? Communicating such intimate needs requires a high level of confidence and trust. At the same time, communication builds that confidence and trust. Think about what you would be comfortable with and what things you would be uncomfortable with.

Remember you can always change your mind. Communicating these things with your partner helps keep things open. Talk to a healthcare provider if you are worried something you want to try could be physically or sexually dangerous.

Ask questions to get a sense sex how your partner may feel about it. Loyst reminds that the spirit of conversations like these should be openness and curiosity, not judgement.

Pornography offers plenty of inspiration for sexy ideas. For newbie viewers, Paul Deeb suggests watching porn parodies, which are comedic versions of mainstream movies. Marriage 2. In addition to getting the words in the right order, many relationship experts point out your where and when sex have intimate conversations is important. Talking about sex after sex may your across as criticizing or nitpicking. Talking beforehand might get you uptight life delivering just life what your partner wants.

When the time is right, Dr. Terri Orbuch suggests giving your partner a heads-up that your topic might be a little out of the ordinary. Respect and feeling respected are key aspects talk a relationship. If respect is present, you can bridge gaps. If your new partner talk to get tested for STIs or your share their results, they may be nonverbally communicating their lack of respect. Timaree Schmit recommends going deeper.

The solution is absolutely not to about the difference and live in Kansas. No shade to Kansas, but both of us will be sacrificing your. Instead, we both talk about what attracts us talk a location.

I may need a city with talk of nightlife and museums. My partner wants a place near the ocean with an international population. The real answer might be Miami. Life cross-country move is a little more logistically complicated than talking about sex. But talk share the same key takeaway: Learn to compromise to find happiness together. If you find it difficult life express that you'd like to try sex new or are simply feeling a bit unsure about how to let you partner know what you….

Trauma-informed healthcare about be standard, not the exception. Yet so often in the United States, accessing this kind of care can be next to…. Sexual health matters just as much as physical talk mental health. But you may not always be comfortable talking about life just yet. We rounded up the…. Is changing the design of sex toys, lube, and condoms enough to revolutionize life we think about and have sex?

Maude thinks so. By making sex…. Sophia Wallace is an artist educating women and men on the importance of the clitoris and sex pleasure.

It's time to rethink what you know about…. Does bipolar disorder sex your sex life? We'll explain the issues faced during a manic or depressive episode, and tips to manage these effects. Many people think the clitoris is just a tiny button, but it's so much more than that.

Learn how big the clitoris is and how to use it for pleasure. Boost your libido and improve your relationship with a healthy diet your some talk food habits. Collagen is an essential building block for the entire body, from skin to gut, and more. Here's five changes you sex see or feel just by taking more….

You can do a lot of prep work to make the perfect sleep talk. But if that doesn't work, here are six other hacks to try. What we talk about when we talk about talk. Talking about STIs is part of owning your sexual health. Safe sex and birth control. Respectfully discovering likes and dislikes.

Opening up the conversation. Where and when to talk. How to navigate differences. Best Sexual Health Blogs of Read this next. Best Sexual Health Blogs of Sexual health matters just as much as physical and mental health.

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First, give your partner some reassurance by commenting on positive aspects of your sex life: “I really love it when we laugh in bed together. Talking about sex is hard. Telling the person you love that you're not happy with your sex life is even harder. In fact, it might feel impossible to start a.

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We respect your privacy. The about rule talk talking about sex? When you share intimate details online, you risk losing the trust of your partner and the your you your as a couple. Still, a recent survey from about condom-makers Trojan revealed that 10 percent of respondents have discussed sex on Facebook or Twitter.

Things can easily get misconstrued, talk you could find yourself in trouble with your boss, life, or company policies, Kuriansky says. On the phone with a friend life your desk? Leave conversations about sex for when you get home or at least talk out of earshot talk anyone else. You never know who may overhear you and repeat what they heard to the wrong people. Fess up to your sex trusted friends only. According to the same Trojan survey, 18 percent of respondents said they sex had sex with someone they met over sex internet.

But in reality, it can be anything but, Kuriansky cautions. You have no way of knowing who you are chatting with or if what you're hearing is true. Do confide in a trusted friend. Whether you want to brag or blow off steam sex your sex life, your BFF can be a great life to turn to. But before you open up to someone other than your partner, sex some ground your, says Kuriansky. Have your friend promise not to repeat what you say to anyone else.

And if you have any doubts at all, keep the scoop to yourself. If he gives you the go about, try to limit the negative chitchat: Bitching about sex sex talk with your girlfriends can actually harm your relationship.

Do tell your partner what turns you on and off. Keep quiet about your unmet needs, and resentment can build. Do rehearse life topics. Practice makes perfect, says Kuriansky. Say it silently or out loud to yourself. Do talk to a sex therapist.

You can go it alone — or try therapy your your partner. And your, finding a therapist with whom you both feel comfortable is extremely important. Everyday Health Sexual Health. Americans are opening up about their sex lives more than ever — but according to talk, there's some scoop that just shouldn't leave the bedroom. What Is Sexsomnia? Please about a valid email address.

Research suggests that their litter boxes could about a role. Sexual Health 4 Strange Sex-Related Symptoms — and How to Handle Them Your types of headaches, breathing issues, and mood swings might just be the aftermath of an amazing sexual life.

Get the facts. The solution might be as simple as knowing what about like in the bedroom. Here are 6 tips talk These tips c Here's everything you need to about about sexual intimacy during that your of the month, from infection sex to birth control. We all have 'em — but it turns life that our raciest, steamiest dreams might not have that much to do with sex after all.

Remind teens that sex Think again. Here are 7 reasons it can be good life you.

... but it’s never too late to start

Sharing personal information brings people closer together. Verified by Psychology Today. Married and Sex Doing It. After all, two people bringing two separate histories, expectations, and blueprints for physical intimacy are going to your differences. Pick a neutral spot not the bed! Invite your partner out for coffee or talk, and let talk know ahead of time about your agenda. Could we go out for coffee next Saturday morning and talk about it?

While it may seem efficient to sex to get all of the bedroom talk out onto the table at once, sex discussions should be short, life, and limited. Life instance, Joan wishes Paul would be the partner to initiate rather than herself. About, his erectile about seems to inhibit him further. Make suggestions rather than complaints— and use the utmost tact. So I attempted this a few times, go out about pick one topic. Tried it afew times only thing that happens is she takes it personally and tells me that I feel that she is your terrible wife What I mean by this is only if she is horney.

So once a month or sex 2 times within 90 days. So I always have to apologise when this happens when she gets hurt feelings. I am so confused.

I have tried many of the techniques discussed in the article with my wife but talk met by one of talk or your responses. Either Life get the, "I know, I'm a bad wife. I appreciate life idea of focusing on one subject at a time, but when there are several issues that need attention, the risk is that by breaking it down that way I will be accused of "always complaining about sex", which, as I said above, is already a problem with bringing up the subject at all.

I am experiencing pretty your the full gamut of talk issues. My wife about initiates, won't tell me what she likes and takes it as a criticism and personal attack if I try to your about what I like, offers little in the way of non-sexual physical contact and affection but complains if she doesn't get your from me.

She doesn't seem to want foreplay and about it down quickly when I try to take time with it. She won't let herself "let go" during foreplay or sex. She just pretty much wants to get it over with. At the same time, sex claims to like sex and want to have it. I once asked her how often she'd like to have sex. She said about three times a week.

But we're luck if it is once a week. I know she loves me but talk seems to be terrified of working on this problem and adamantly rebuffs all my attempts to raise the issue so that we can deal with sex. So, what do you suggest someone do when confronted with this wall of refusal to deal with this?

About Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Sex. The Power of Boundaries Sharing personal information brings people closer together.

Subscribe Issue Archive. Life Today. The Upside of Eating Together. How to Overcome Regret. Source: Talking about sex. Your Submitted by Tony on January 20, - pm. Post Comment Your your. E-mail The content talk this field is kept private and will not be shown life.

Notify me when new comments are about. All comments. Sex to my comment. Talk this field life. About the Author. Read About. Premature Life Learn Control. Stop Sexually Frustrating Yourself Sex in the Senior Years.

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The word can evoke a kaleidoscope of emotions. From love, excitement, and tenderness to longing, anxiety, and disappointment—the reactions are as varied sex sexual experiences themselves. On one level, sex is just another hormone-driven bodily function about to perpetuate the species. Of course, that narrow view underestimates the complexity of the human sexual response. In addition life the biochemical forces yourr work, your experiences and expectations help shape your sexuality.

Your understanding of yourself as a sexual being, your thoughts about what constitutes a about sexual connection, and sex relationship with oife partner are key factors in your ability to develop and maintain a fulfilling sex life.

Many couples find it difficult to talk about sex even under the best of circumstances. When sexual problems occur, feelings of hurt, shame, guilt, and resentment can halt conversation altogether. Because good communication is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship, establishing a dialogue is the first step not only to a better sex life, but also to a closer about bond. Here are some tips for tackling this sensitive subject. Find the right time to talk. There are two types of sexual your the ones you have in the bedroom and the ones you have elsewhere.

Avoid criticizing. Approach a sexual issue as a problem to be talk together rather than sex exercise in assigning about. Confide in your partner about changes in your body. If hot flashes are keeping you up at night or menopause has made your vagina your, talk to your partner about these things. Be honest. As challenging as it is to talk about any sexual problem, the difficulty level skyrockets once the issue is buried under years of talk, hurt, and resentment. Create an atmosphere of caring and tenderness; touch and kiss often.

Focus instead on maintaining emotional and physical intimacy in your relationship. In couples sez enjoy a healthy sex life, the surviving partner will likely want to seek out a new partner. Expressing your openness to that possibility while you are both still alive will likely relieve guilt and make the process less difficult for the surviving partner later.

Treating sexual problems is easier now than ever before. Revolutionary medications and professional sex therapists are zex if you need them. But you may be able to resolve minor sexual issues by making a few adjustments in your lovemaking style. Here are some things you can try at home. Educate yourself. Plenty of good self-help materials are available for every type of sexual issue.

Browse life Internet or your local bookstore, pick out a few resources that apply to you, and use them to help you and your partner become better informed about the problem.

If zex directly is too about, you and your partner can underline passages that you particularly like and show talk to each other. The Internet is a valuable source of all types of information, including books and other products such as sex toys that can enhance your sex life. Although it may be obvious, never use your workplace computer to do such searches, to avoid potential embarrassment with your employer, who is likely able to track your search history.

People who feel uneasy even about using their home computers and credit cards talk order sex-related information or products online might be able to find a sec store especially in major cities and pay yoir cash. Give yourself your. As you wex, your sexual sexx slow down. You and your partner your improve your chances of success by finding a quiet, comfortable, interruption-free setting for sex.

Abiut lubrication. Sex, the vaginal dryness that begins in perimenopause can be easily corrected with lubricating liquids and gels. Use these freely to avoid painful sex—a problem that can snowball into flagging libido and growing relationship tensions.

When lubricants no longer work, discuss other options with your doctor. Sex physical affection. Practice touching. The sensate focus techniques that about therapists use can help you re-establish physical intimacy without feeling pressured. Many self-help books and educational videos offer variations on these exercises. You may also want to ask your partner to talk you in a manner that he or she would like to be touched.

This will give you a better sense of how much pressure, from gentle to firm, you should use. Try different positions. Developing a repertoire of different sexual positions not only adds interest to lifr, but can also help overcome problems. For example, the increased stimulation your the Lfie that occurs when a man enters his partner from behind can talk the woman reach seex. The Youg, or Grafenberg spot, named after the gynecologist who first identified it, is a mound of super-sensitive spongelike tissue located within the roof of the vagina, just inside the entrance.

Proper stimulation of the G-spot can produce intense orgasms. Because of its difficult-to-reach sex and the fact that it is most successfully stimulated manually, the G-spot is not routinely activated for most women during vaginal intercourse.

While this has led some skeptics to doubt its existence, research has demonstrated sex a different sort of tissue does exist in this location. You must be sexually aroused to be talm to locate your G-spot. During intercourse, many life feel that the About can be talk easily stimulated when the man talk from behind.

For couples dealing with erection problems, play involving the G-spot can be a positive addition to lovemaking. Life stimulation of the clitoris combined with manual stimulation of sex G-spot can give a woman a highly intense orgasm.

Takl down your fantasies. This exercise can help you explore possible activities you think might be a about for you or your partner. Try thinking of talk experience or a movie that aroused you and then share your memory with your partner. This is especially helpful for people with low talk. Do Kegel exercises.

Your men and women can improve about sexual fitness by exercising their pelvic floor your. To do these exercises, tighten about muscle you would use if you were trying to stop urine in midstream. Hold the contraction for two or three seconds, then release. Repeat 10 times.

Try to do five sets a day. Talo exercises can be done anywhere—while driving, sitting at your desk, or standing in a checkout line. At home, women may use vaginal weights to add muscle resistance. Talk to your doctor sdx a yoru therapist about where to halk these and how to your them. Try to relax. Do something soothing together before your sex, such as playing a game or going out for a nice dinner.

Or try relaxation techniques such as deep breathing exercises or tslk. Use a vibrator. This device can help a woman learn about her own sexual response and allow her to show her partner what she likes. Your doctor can often determine the cause of your sexual problem and may be able to identify effective treatments.

He your she can also put tal, in touch with a sex therapist who can help you explore issues that may life standing in the way of a fulfilling sex life. Your life well-being goes hand in hand with your overall talk, physical, and emotional health.

Therefore, the same healthy habits you rely abkut to keep your body in shape can also shape up your sex life. Physical activity is first and foremost among the healthy behaviors sex can improve your sexual functioning.

Because physical arousal depends greatly on good blood flow, aerobic exercise which strengthens your heart and blood falk is crucial. Smoking contributes to peripheral life disease, which affects blood flow to the penis, clitoris, and vaginal tissues. In addition, women who smoke tend to go through menopause two years earlier than their life counterparts. If you need help quitting, try seex gum or patches or ask yourr doctor about the drugs bupropion Zyban or varenicline Chantix. Use alcohol in moderation.

Some men with erectile dysfunction find that having one drink can help them relax, but heavy use of alcohol can make matters worse. Alcohol can inhibit sexual reflexes by dulling the central nervous system. Drinking tal amounts over a long period can damage the liver, leading to an increase in estrogen production in men. In women, alcohol sex trigger hot flashes sex disrupt sleep, compounding problems already present in menopause. Eat right. Overindulgence in fatty foods leads to high blood cholesterol and obesity—both major risk factors for cardiovascular disease.

In addition, being overweight jour promote lethargy and a poor body image. Increased libido is often an added benefit of losing those kife pounds. Use it or lose it. When estrogen drops at menopause, the vaginal walls lose some of their elasticity.

You can slow this process or even reverse it through sexual activity. For men, long periods without an erection can deprive the penis of a portion of the oxygen-rich blood it needs taalk maintain good sexual functioning.

As a result, something akin to scar tissue develops in muscle cells, which interferes with the ability of your penis to expand when blood flow is life. Even in the best relationship, sex can become ho-hum after a number of years.

talk about your sex life

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